Feeling Drained by Others? Try the “Let Them” Method

This isn’t just a catchy phrase. It’s rooted in a psychological principle known as the locus of control, which explores how individuals perceive the factors that influence their lives. When people accept what they can and cannot control, they become more resilient and emotionally grounded.

What Is the “Let Them” Approach?

Instagram | melrobbins | Mel Robbins’ Let Them mindset gained 2023 popularity from a simple, relatable viral video.

Popularized by motivational speaker and author Mel Robbins, the Let Them mindset took off in 2023 when she shared it in a brief yet striking video clip. Her message resonated deeply with millions, not because it was groundbreaking in complexity, but because it was profoundly relatable in its simplicity.

She explained:

“If your friends didn’t invite you to brunch, let them. If someone you like isn’t ready for a commitment, let them. If your kids don’t want to go with you somewhere, let them.”

Rather than wasting emotional energy trying to change how others act or think, the Let Them mindset teaches people to allow others to reveal who they are. Once that’s clear, it becomes easier to make informed choices about how to respond—without resentment, overreaction, or internalizing someone else’s behavior.

Understanding the Psychology Behind “Let Them”

The idea of letting people behave how they want, without taking their actions personally, is deeply connected to psychological well-being. According to family therapist Jennifer Chappell Marsh, understanding the limits of influence is crucial. She points out that peace of mind comes when people stop trying to control what’s outside of their reach.

The phrase works as a reminder: energy is finite. Instead of trying to steer the actions of friends, partners, or even strangers, it’s often healthier to observe and choose personal boundaries.

It’s a lot like the message behind the classic Beatles song “Let It Be.” Paul McCartney wrote it during a turbulent time in his life, yet the lyrics continue to soothe listeners across generations. That’s because the song encourages acceptance, not indifference, but clarity in deciding where to place emotional investment.

Why It Resonates

This two-word mindset applies across all areas of life—relationships, parenting, and even professional interactions.

1. When coworkers don’t meet your standards, let them—and set clear boundaries.
2. If a friend doesn’t reciprocate the energy you give, let them—and reevaluate that connection.
3. If someone cuts you off in traffic, let them—and carry on without absorbing their frustration.

It’s not about apathy; it’s about self-respect. Robbins emphasizes that when someone shows you who they are, believe them—then decide how you want to move forward. That’s where real control lies.

More Than a Trend

Freepik | The “Let Them” mindset is a powerful tool for emotional independence and stress reduction.

This mindset is more than a viral phrase; it’s a tool. It encourages emotional independence, and with practice, it reduces unnecessary stress. Many people are already linking it to popular self-help ideas like those in “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k”, which similarly encourages prioritizing your energy and letting go of what’s not yours to fix.

A viewer summed it up perfectly in the comments under Robbins’ post:

“It’s like setting yourself free from the pressure of fixing everyone else. You only really have control over you—and that’s actually a relief.”

One Shift That Makes a Big Difference

Accepting that not everything requires a response—or your responsibility—can be liberating. You don’t have to take on every emotion, reaction, or expectation thrown your way. The phrase Let Them works as a filter, reminding you to focus on what matters and to stop absorbing behavior that has little to do with you.

As the Polish proverb goes, “Not my circus, not my monkeys.” That’s not cold or detached—it’s healthy. When people stop taking things so personally, it opens the door to stronger boundaries, better relationships, and a much calmer mind.

Start Saying and Watch What Changes

The next time someone’s actions stir frustration or confusion, pause before reacting. Ask yourself whether it’s truly your job to change them, or if it’s wiser to simply let them. Often, the greatest peace comes not from fixing the world around you, but from adjusting how you respond to it.

By practicing this mindset, you not only preserve your energy but also gain clarity about the people and situations worth investing in. And sometimes, the most powerful words are the ones that remind you to let go.